Marco Polo travels to Cleveland

I will now tell you of the great and noble city of Glebe-limb. It is three days north-northwest of Akron, which I have told you of, and lies on the shore of a great sea which has no salt in it. A river empties into the saltless sea and it is navigable except in those times when the river is burning, the flames of which make great black clouds above the city. 

It is called the Forest City, but there are in it no forests. The people worship Jesus, but cannot agree on the best way to do so. There are also Jews and those who worship Muhammed. In this region of the kingdom of Ohio iron, steel and rubber tires are abundant. The water is not good, but produces an excellent beer, which the citizens consume in great quantity, which produces many fistfights, especially in the summer, when it is excessive hot.

The king is Adolf Bus, who controls the beer production and has become very wealthy. Now it happened that Marco, the son of Messer Niccolo, acquired a remarkable knowledge of the city and now I will tell you about it.  

Among its citizens there is a race of giants, twice the size of humans, who wear helmets and armor weighing at least 3 shekhims. Those of this  race are called“browns,” and despite their warlike appearance, they lose every battle they fight. 

The king has built a great stadium which can contain a million people in it. It is named for him, Bus Stadium, and is perfectly round. In it, a game is played, and I will tell you about the game. The players stay in a hole in the ground until it is their turn to perform, and then they emerge and hit a hard round ball with a stick. They are known as Indians and are the indigenous residents of the area. 

There is a food that is served during the game to those watching and I will now tell you about it. It is a small loaf of bread on which rests what looks like a swine pizzle, but without the channel for the urine. They cover this with a brown sauce that has a hot taste. The people eat this from one end. That is all I have to say about the food.

Marco Polo

There was once a great war between the residents of Glebe-limb, which sits on one side of the burning river, and Ohio City on the other. There was great animosity between the cities, and the king of Glebe-limb had a bridge built across the river to attract the caravans of merchants who came to the area and so to by-pass their rival city. The army of Ohio City tried to barricade the bridge and stop the caravans and divert them to its markets, but King Bus used his beer wagons, drawn by great horses with shaggy feet, each 25 hands high, to break through the barrier. The war ended when the rebels took axes to the wagons, opening great barrels of beer, which both sides drank until they could no longer see each other. The two cities are now one. 

This battle they commemorate each spring during which time students spend a week away from their studies and consume the bitter, fizzy bever.    

Now let us leave this city and move on to tell you about another region, which is called Toledo.

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